05 | Shifting Perspectives: Understanding Self and Partner Reactivity

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In this episode, ⁠Laurie Groh, MS, LPC, SAS⁠, discusses relationships and the importance of understanding our reactivity and defense mechanisms. She explains that people don't change for others and that therapy is not about changing your partner but about improving yourself.

Laurie introduces five defense mechanisms:

Lion (aggression)

Peacock (self-preservation)

Elephant (control)

Turtle (withdrawal)

Raccoon (manipulation)

She provides action items for self-reflection, communication, and practicing empathy. Laurie also emphasizes the significance of seeking professional support and attending workshops to improve relationships.

Takeaways

Therapy is not about changing your partner, but about improving yourself.

Understanding your own reactivity and defense mechanisms is crucial in relationships.

The five defense mechanisms in relationships are Lion (aggression), Peacock (self-preservation), Elephant (control), Turtle (withdrawal), and Raccoon (manipulation).

Practicing self-reflection, open communication, empathy, and the mindful pause technique can help improve relationships.

Seeking professional support and attending Workshops can be beneficial for relationship growth.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Relationships

03:18 Understanding Reactivity in Relationships

05:14 Defense Mechanism: Lion

07:35 Defense Mechanism: Peacock

09:02 Defense Mechanism: Elephant

09:54 Defense Mechanism: Turtle

10:48 Defense Mechanism: Raccoon

12:16 Action Items: Self-Reflection and Communication

14:16 Adolescent Reactions and Mindful Pause Practice

18:28 Seeking Professional Support and Workshops

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Shoreside Therapies: Shoreside Therapies offers compassionate, client-focused counseling for individuals, couples, and families. With expertise in mood disorders, life transitions, grief, trauma, and maternal mental health, their dedicated therapists provide a safe space to support your journey toward meaningful change and personal growth.

Laurie's Top 5 Recommended Books on Relationships:

1. ⁠ Attached
2. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work 
3. The New Rules of Marriage
4. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
5. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love